What I didn’t know

Visited with my beautiful sister Kristy today. I love her more than words can say and hated leaving.

Feeling reflective in the car as Stella and I chatted.

I told her I needed to apologize to John, my dear son. I was recalling a Halloween when he was one or two. It was nasty outside and he had a bad cold. He was crying, miserable and wanted to go home from the church parking lot trunk or treat. He wanted to leave. I wanted him to be a happy Tigger and not miss the Halloween memory making. Poor baby.

Stella reminded me I did the same on her first bday. She had a double ear infection and was tearful and miserable. Wise people tried to get me to reschedule. Nope. Not gonna miss those special birthday memories. She literally had tears and snot dripping as I encouraged her to blow out her bday candles. Sweet baby.

Both of these times it was my intention that my babies have wonderful memories. Neither of those events did I trust the process and respect their needs. I was always pushing for something better.

I hope those amazing young humans forgive me for that and so much more. I hope their dad forgives my need for perfection back then.

I didn’t know a different way yet.

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