The moment I am in

Dear Sis,

Let’s sum up today…

1) My heart is in the weirdest place. Trying to find contentment and value in the now. Like all of the now…not just the parts I enjoy.

2) I thought all week that I had school this weekend and assignments due but I have another entire week before that happens so…whew.

3) I’m baking a bakery full of cookies tonight if that tells you anything.

4) I shared the stories of what I remember of 9/11 with my kiddos. I told them that when it happened, John was a newborn, his dad was out of town working, and I called Nana and couldn’t stop crying b/c I wondered what kind of world I had brought a child into. Today, I pray that these two kiddos make an impact on their world and I am so thankful for them. Everyday, especially on days like today when we are reminded of the preciousness of life.

5) I turned in my graduation application today. What? What? Sooooo in awe!

6) Seasons are changing. Big time.

7) It is supposed to rain this weekend. This means I can write and write and write to my heart’s content…because, you know…rain.

8) Trying to understand why I’m not always in charge of the letting go/letting in process. As a matter of fact…why am I not always in charge?

9) Brains are a funny, magical thing. Actually, brains are funny and intriguing…kisses are magical.

10) My emotions are many tonight, my heart is full, and I’m simply grateful that I can and will process through all of it.

Go to bed sis.

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Tom, Dick and Harry

I am thankful for Tom, Dick and Harry in my dating life. Every single one of them has taught me a valuable lesson or is going to teach me a valuable lesson and I absolutely am grateful for that.

Harry, I just wasn’t your Sally but she’s out there and I hope you find her.

Dick, you were fun…sometimes. Other times you really sting. Since one of us has to look a little deeper and I can only control my actions, it’s going to be me. Adios.

Tom , are you out there? I’m ready for you…I think.

Ex

So…here’s the thing. My ex-husband is not just my ex-husband. He is first and foremost, the father of my children and a dear friend.

I realize that we seem unique to many in our relationship after marriage; and it took us a long while to find our way to this place. I know that our relationship is a gift and I do not take it for granted one single moment.

I will always honor Nathan for the reasons I listed above and I will always respect him and cherish his friendship. It’s a two way street and I am grateful.

Our hope is that one day, if and when we each find a new love in our life, and the time is right; we will make room for them as our families expand.

After all, we had two amazing children together and we know that parenting them is a God given privilege. We do our best to treasure that privilege.

Again, I know that our dynamic is different and it may be difficult for some to grasp the nature of our relationship without making it into something it is not.

My thoughts…we really are just two people doing what works for our family, as it has changed shape…it is still our family.

You do you boo, right?

Love to you all.

Dear everyone…

Dear everyone,
 
This is just public acknowledgement that my “Dear Sis” posts are not directed toward any one person.
They are more an accumulation of the experiential education I have had in my dating life. I have learned much about a few men, but what I have really learned of value is that I tend to make choices that I know will hurt me in the end. I make choices hoping that a man will in essence, change because he so adores me.
 
How’s that working for me? lol!
 
I guess we all just want to truly see and be seen in a relationship…and fully accepted with love. That’s what I want anyway.
 
So, dear Sis, keep on keeping on.
 
You are worth it…and so is he.
 
XOXO

He’s a Shell, Sis. Move on.

Dear Sis,

Being physically attracted to a man is such an amazing feeling…especially when you are both drawn to each other like magnets.
Kissing is fabulous, sacred, beautiful, and fun!
All of the physical things are momentarily delicious, scintillating and normal to crave.
But…when you see that this super hot man is empty of the things that matter most (sharing of emotions, caring in actions AND words, true friendship, etc), it’s so disappointing. It’s even more sad to realize you’ve been kissing a shell of a man.
Kissing a shell. Blech. Sis, even if he is capable and full of those things, he’s choosing not to share them with you.
Picture a hard shell running down the street…would you chase it? If you caught it…then what? Can you turn that shell into your Prince Charming?  Probably not.
Think back to all those shells you’ve had the highest hopes for. Did they change for you? Maybe, once in a while. But that’s rare.
When dating a suspected shell, turn around and RUN! If he makes a real effort, he will catch you and continuously capture your heart with his own. 
If he was a shell after all..be sad for his loss and happy for your wisdom.
Be patient in the waiting. There is a HOT to and for you man with the inside goods who is just waiting for his lady.

In the meantime, find your joy and enjoy this beautiful life in a BIG way! You are worth it!!

Always.

Be REAL

I deleted my account on a particular dating sight. Everyone has their thing but goodness….gross is gross.
 
I’m going to create my own dating sight that fits my particular needs right now…I’m sure there are countless others who are with me.
 
There are a few rules.
1) No open relationships, legally single people only.
2) If you are caught lying about anything at all or misrepresenting yourself in photos/words, you will automatically be permanently deleted from ALL online dating sights.
3) No shirtless or bottomless pictures accepted. None. No nekkid pictures either.
4) To meet additional qualifications, Be REAL.
(Reach out and respond, Ego left at the door, Authentic please, Literate is best).
5) Seriously…not a hook up sight. There are plenty of those.
6) Must be capable of valuing and looking into the heart and soul of someone and not only into the outside package.
7) No cheaters
8) I get to make more rules as I go along, if they are deemed necessary. No complaints accepted.
 
That’s a good start.

Simple Gifts

One of those rare nights that gained a forever spot in my heart…Laying in the grass, staring at the stars and connecting; real conversation, singing those songs that bring back so much, laughing hysterically and a bit of yummy wine….exactly the medicine my heart needed.

Refreshment. Friendship. Nature. Awareness.
It really is the simple things. Commemorate the moment, right?☺️ Right.
 
#Itrustyou
#lol
#coffeekissesconnectionnotambiguous
#hereisthepyramid
#timeandprobability

#northstarwhereareyou

Dear Sis,

Dear Sis (that’s me…dear me)…
 
You are being inundated with unpleasant insights to yourself these last couple of weeks. It’s okay. You are growing so find the value and trust the process.
 
In the meantime, beware of the man who subtly devalues you in the kindest of ways. It might look like this…
 
– “I need someone like you in my life. Nurturing, kind, beautiful eyes and soul. Instead, I always choose the girls who are really hot, into the gym and crazy.” (He sees your beauty and that it’s the kind that matters but you are not going to meet his qualifications…trust this).
 
-“I want more than a hook up. I want a relationship. I want the old fashioned kind of dating where two people become friends and fall in love.” And then…he’s pushing for sex by the end of the night. (and sis, you go right along with it because you think he’s way cool and you want soooooo badly for that empty to be filled. Not gonna get filled for more than a minute….literally. Stop and think).
 
– He is thoughtful, smart, caring and concerned with your wellbeing. He asks how you are and then listens. (for a few weeks). Then, there is no asking how you are. It is sufficient to tell you how awesome he is. Communication quiets and then levels up when it’s getting closer to time for netflix and chill. (This is probably a mirror to how a relationship will work).
 
-“I’m just not good at this part” or “I guess my last relationship hurt me so bad that I’m afraid of…” are usually translatable. Meaning, “I don’t want to put the effort into this friendship/relationship/agreement. I only want my needs met please don’t complicate this with your words. (C’mon, you deserve communication no matter what the agreement is).
 
Sis, listen to words but believe behavior. Please, for the love of God, believe behavior. I know you want connection so badly, but trust God, trust the process and wait for the real good stuff.
 
Know when to walk away….even if he smells scrumptious, delights your mind, intrigues your soul and adored you for a minute.
 
YOU ARE WORTH MORE. TRUST ME.

Dear Self

Dear Self,

Stop asking yourself if he likes you and start asking yourself if you like him. The tides change.

Also…if he really like you, you probably wouldn’t be wondering if he does bc he would’ve communicated that clearly.

Is he capable of better, probably so. Does he care to invest in you? You know the answer.

Guesswork games when there’s only 1 player suck.

True story.

No. No. And no.

#lovethyself

#respecthyself

#getoffthemerrygoround

Sprinkle some more hope in, please

I am learning gobs about myself throughout the process of obtaining a Master’s degree, and especially through this CCI. (It’s a Critical Competency Interview and it’s a BIG deal).
 
1) I tend to freeze or give up right before I reach the point of success. This applies to self-care, eating healthy, mindfulness, my children, dating and so much more….but not to school and not to work. I wonder why that is and what I’ve cost myself with this behavior.
 
I guess I’ll delve into that later but first I will finish this CCI and Family Teen Camp.
 
2) If I am scared I won’t do it right, I would just rather not do it.
So many ways to do this but my favorite is to just pretend it doesn’t exist. (I.E. Make a treatment plan, budget, APA questions that I ‘should’ not struggle with etc) In the end, this doesn’t work out in my favor.
 
3) If doing it requires asking for help, it’s very likely not going to happen. This is especially funny since I always encourage others to remember we are made for relationship and connection, and that we all need to help one another. Lifelong struggle…I’d rather be the helper not the helpee.
 
Additionally, if I have been helped in the ways that have touched my heart deepest,, my deep gratitude carries shame. Shame that I couldn’t do it on my own. Shame that you could see I needed help and gave it without my even asking. Shame that I am in this spot at 46 (almost 47) years old. Feeling needy is so vulnerable to me and I hate it. Yet, you all are part of my heart beat and I don’t think I’d ever have enough words to adequately express my love and gratitude for you.
 
4) I am very impatient in the things that matter. I think (in the moment) that I prefer my own timing over God’s timing. I look back and see clearly that His timing is ALWAYS better so I’m not sure why I am so incredibly hesitant to trust Him now.
 
I settle for what’s given rather than wait for what I pray for, and for what I am worth. Nice in the moment…empty soon after. This applies to food, relationships, self-care, etc) Knowing I view myself so much less than sometimes hurts my heart.
 
5) I really am right where I am supposed to be and I truly do have everything I need in this moment. Still, I can be impulsive, impatient, controlling and self-sabotaging. I’m on this journey…learning, growing, loving and evolving.
 
Hope is a beautiful and a fragile thing.  I need a little more of it sprinkled in my life right now.
 
Happy Thursday, I love you all!