Just practice

I’m not much in the frame of mind for writing deep shareable content right now…my serious thoughts are probably better kept in my journal for the moment.  However, in the midst of chaos, there have been some funny little adventures.  Because I just NEED to write and share, I’ve opted to enhance your lives with one of those funny little adventures….

I’m a single Momma.  I date.  I have had a couple of serious relationships, lots of fun and here I am…still dating.  My life is amazingly beautiful and full…still I have a longing for something?  Someone?  I don’t know.  I mean, I really adore people.  Men are people.  I have great fondness for men…this is fairly new knowledge to me.  They smell good, they generally have deeper voices than I do, just like everyone else…they come in a variety of shapes and sizes.  The vast differences in men and women intrigue me.  (That’s not meant to be a controversial statement, it’s just my perception and truth).  Anyway.,…I try to be open on each date unless someone is just a total creep…because at the very least, I usually make a new friend. ๐Ÿ’‘

I tell you this just so that my attitude toward dating is a little more comprehensive.  There’s a whole book to be written on all that is inside of my heart and mind on these adventures; for now…I just want to share the tale of one recent date.  I have told a few people about this date and truly, no harm toward the guy.  He was super sweet.  Just an awkward evening.๐Ÿ˜ฏ

First, I really wanted to click with this guy…alot.  He had the sexiest phone voice ever, deep and soothing and he always called me Darlin’.  Man!  That country drawl.  Our conversations went on for over a month, they were easy and playful.  He seemed intelligent, sane, safe and creative.  What was not to like?๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

He drove about two hours for our date, which I sincerely appreciated.  We had decided to meet at a local coffee shop, he was about 20 minutes late because he had gotten lost.  Totally understandable and he was in touch the whole time.  So…he comes in and stands at the door.  I see that he is much smaller in stature than his description, still quite attractive and nicely put together.  Somewhere along the line, I have veered away from smaller guys (I’m not being icky or rude, it might be that I choose someone opposite of my ex) but I reminded myself to stay open. Also, his in person voice was absolutely NOTHING like his phone voice.  That’s okay…was just one of several ‘surprises’. โ˜•๏ธ

I waved at him and he came over.  We shared a brief hug and sat at the table.  For about 10 minutes, we talked and not once would he look up and make eye contact.  He expressed  being extremely nervous.  His being nervous was making me nervous..I totally get that anxiety and desperately wanted to put him at ease.  None of my tricks were working. ๐Ÿงšโ€โ™€๏ธ

Thus…I put on my ‘therapist hat’ and asked him gently to tell me what he was feeling most nervous about.  He replied, “I’m just worried that I won’t meet your expections.”  Ugh.  I already had the feeling in my tummy that this wasn’t a good fit and at the same time, he was so gentle and sincere…and still not making any eye contact.  I finally just asked if he would please look at me.  I expected a shy look, and again, I totally get that shyness! ๐Ÿ‘€

Instead, I was super surprised!  He looked right into my eyes and told me they were beautiful.  I thanked him.  Before I could blink, he put his hands firmly on either side of my face, pulled me toward him, got close enough to touch noses, and then put my hair behind my ears, one side a time.  I was a bit taken aback by his sudden courage and unexpected ‘gesture’.  I am not sure what my expression was…I’m sure it said it all!  My poker face stinks. I asked him if there was something in my hair.  He said ‘no’, he just remembered that I liked my hair put behind my ears. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

I wasn’t really sure where that thought of his originated from and pondered it for days after.  The only thing I could figure out is at one point, we had discussed favorite scenes from movies.  I had mentioned that in “The Notebook”, I think there was a time Noah brushed hair out of Allie’s face when they were young and again when they were old.  I love this because it reminded me of loving gestures I observed between my mom and dad during the process of Dad’s Alzheimer’s. ๐Ÿค—

Beautiful gesture in context.  ๐Ÿ™„

This was not in context.  Nope.  Nuh uh.  Nada. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Anyway…right back to the nervous no eye contact soon after.  Movie and dinner followed.  Not a good idea to go to a movie on this first date.  I spent lots of time maintaining invisible physical barriers and squirming because he would literally cover my eyes at any adult humor or cursing.๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

Dinner was nice’ish, with more eye contact and far more relaxed.  He was so open with his story and amazingly good hearted, I really believe this.  He also gagged a few times during dinner because of his weak stomach.  I don’t mean gag on food, I mean gag while he was telling me stories that still caused him distress.  Puke ๐Ÿคฎ

Then…he was quite focused on discussing the upcoming kiss we would share at the end of the evening.  I, on the other hand, was focused on how to politely fend that gesture off.  ๐Ÿ’‹ ๐Ÿ›‘

As we drove back to my car, I thought through how I was going to quickly hug him, say thank you, and move out!  I was distracted from my thoughts by his constant sudden slamming on of his breaks…the traffic made him nervous.  Again…I get it BUT by now I’m feeling like I just wanna go home, safely. โœ‹ ๐Ÿก

We stopped at my car and I probably moved as far away as I could without trying to be ugly.  I thanked him for dinner and told him that my own stomach was feeling unwell.  A quick hug ensued with one arm and I had my other hand on the door handle.  I did ask him to text when he was home safely. ๐Ÿค— ๐Ÿฅด

“Hey Sarah, I’m home.  You don’t have to worry, your body language said it all.  I still think you are a fantastic lady.”  Seriously, so sweet.  I thanked him again, and breathed a sigh of relief.  Just good to be home.  Still, I feel like a piece of ๐Ÿ’ฉ. A๐Ÿ’ฉ who is working hard at keeping a strong sense of humor about this whole journey!

A good reminder for self…just because someone is good does not mean they are good for me.  It’s all good practice, right?  In the meantime, most of the practice is fun and there are really good players on the field.  โšพ๏ธ ๐Ÿˆ ๐Ÿ€ ๐ŸŽพ ๐ŸŒ๏ธโ€โ™€๏ธ โšฝ๏ธ ๐Ÿ‰

The adventure continues….โค๏ธ

 

 

 

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