Tribute to a bad date

A dear friend asked if I would share a bad date story.  Most of my dates have been fun but there have been a handful that made me say hmmmm.  As I recounted this evening, I giggled so hard and thought the whole world could use a giggle.  So; here it is

He was seriously a sweet guy….I feel a bit guilty sharing this.  Honestly.

He had the absolute sexiest voice on the phone. Voices are a big deal to me. Told me he was 6/1 and somehow he looked all buff and tall in his pictures. (I’m trying not to be a height elitist, but I have my druthers and I like truth). When he came in, he was at best 5’8. Fine.

So he was talking a billion miles a minute and I was trying to decipher if he had taken something. He sat across from me at Starbuck’s after I encouraged him many times to sit with me. (He met me there). He would not make eye contact…at all. He seemed to have a close bond with the floor, where his eyes were focused. I tried not to slip into therapist mode bc anytime I see a date as a ‘case study’, it’s not a good thing. I couldn’t help it though. After 20 minutes of talking to the top of his head, I asked if he was okay. He told me he was just nervous. Acceptable, yes? I asked if there was anything I could to do put him at ease and he told me he just wanted me to like him. Again…super sweet but I already know at this point I don’t feel that sort of connection. (guilt bc I had an idea what was coming)

Also, his voice was NOTHING like the guy on the phone. It was nervous, high and fast so I think on the phone he used like this hot voice he had to have practiced many times. So, I ask if he is ready to go to dinner(dinner and a movie were the plan and I didn’t see a reason to be rude…it’s always good to make a friend is/was my view).

He looks up and before I know it, he is so close to my face we are practically touching noses and he reaches up and puts my hair behind my ear and then caresses my face. I literally jumped back because I so didn’t expect that. I think I asked if I had something on my face. He said he remembered from our conversations that I liked having my hair brushed away from my face.

I think that conversation never happened btw. I do recall talking about the movie, “The Notebook” and how sweet it was when Noah brushed Allie’s hair away from her eyes both as a young couple and as an elderly couple. It reminded me of the sweetness of my parent’s love during my dad’s Alzheimers, it wasn’t something appropriate for him to do in that moment. I am sure I just laughed it off.

So…we get in his car which was an old jaguar, very very cool but hard to get into in my skirt.. I think he was very gentlemanly and opened my door. Then I spent the next 15 minutes as we rode to the restaurant praying that God would please let me live past this date. He proceeded to tell me about his horrible night vision because of a detached retina and that he wasn’t supposed to be driving at night. (He had driven two hours for our date, again, he was trying so hard and for that I was grateful). The stops and starts were jerky and I literally had a seatbelt burn on my neck the next day from being held back as he drove.

We ate at a Mexican restaurant where he told me not to order anything with onions so our first kiss would be sweeter.

He told me his life story. I appreciated his vulnerability but at this point was in full therapist mode and also thinking how I would politely decline any advances.

Next was the movie. Why on earth did I go to a movie on the first date? It was awkward and I can’t even remember the movie. I just know there was a bit of sexual humor and he would throw his hands over my eyes and tell me not to look and to save my eyes only for him. I could feel myself shrinking into a ball in my chair.

Movie ended, we got in the car to go back to my car. I leaned over to give him the best side hug I could muster in the car and I literally bolted out the door. (The drive to my car had me praying just as hard for my life to be spared as well as to help me get out without a kiss!) I had thanked him profusely and told him to please text to let me know he was safely home.

When he did text, he said he could tell by my body language that I just wasn’t ready for what he had to give. Follow up…he called two days later *it was Mother’s Day to wish me a Happy mothers day. He began the conversation with, “I don’t want to start any trouble, I just want to tell you happy mother’s day”

I thanked him and assured him it was no trouble and though it didn’t work out, I would love to be his friend.

He never did call again.

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