Life

It’s been a teeny bit of a struggle hearing about Luke Perry’s death. I mean, it’s sad when people die anyway. Then, it feels especially sad to me when they are young. He was for sure young.
We are told that Luke died of a stroke. Anytime I hear this, I feel this flurry of emotions. It’s a combination of deep gratitude for being alive and well nine years after the stroke I had, and of intense guilt for being here when others are not. It’s a feeling of being safe and held that is often interfered with by feelings of anxiety and fear.
I want to know all the details of his stroke. How, when, why, where? As if all of these answers bring me a magical always healthy solution. I have such an ability to let my worries spin right out of control until I lose myself in the middle of them. (I’m speaking to health anxiety…not to my whole way of being). The minute I get lost in that world, I disconnect from all that I love.
It’s been a gift to learn this about myself; to be aware of the things I do when I’m heading in that direction; and to do them.
Being still and trusting that God has my back has been huge for me and it’s rarely my first response. Reaching out to the handful of people that know my heart deeply is such a gift, and another thing I rarely do first.
My wise momma once asked me in the middle of one of my biggest times of worrying about losing my life…”We only have this life, are you going to spend it living or dying?” Absolutely I want to spend it living.
It’s a good day.

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A list of stuff going good

Things are going good….

1) When I am craving my salad instead of chips and salsa.

2) When I am seeking a long term pay off over a momentary thrill.

3) When I see everything, even my past momentary thrills through a lens free from guilt and shame.

4) When I am combining my dreams with an intentional plan.

5) When I value forgiving myself every bit as much as I value forgiving another.

6) When I listen to my body as the ultimate guide for my health.

7) When I take time to be still with God…just to be…to pray…to study…to listen.

8) When I am flexible with my plan and open to the possibilities.

9) When I truly grasp it is not my responsibility to fix any other human being….EVER.

10) When I am equally open to the journey and the outcome and I stay aware of loving and embracing myself through it all.

11) Bonus: When I remember that “life does not have to be perfect to be beautiful”.