So flipping much to say. So little time to say it. Listening to Transformation Church series on the Holy Spirit….leads me to ask for help and knowing the Holy Spirit in a more intimate way….leads me to being embarrassed to share bc I don’t want to offend anyone who holds a different belief system than I…..leads me remember humility and that I’m not here to please or appease others….and there is just SO MUCH LEARNING and change and goodness going on inside of me.
This morning the sermon ended with a directive to ask the Holy Spirit what He is trying to say to me through this message. Cool…I can do that. I asked. I listened and my heart immediately said, “I AM HERE, then, now and always” (what filled my heart for then, now and always is for another time of sharing). Then I recalled a conversation with a client yesterday…more on that coming.
Yesterday, a client that I love dearly who tends to be a little on the super grumpy side…asks me if I am dating anyone. Then asks me if I have taken my test yet (she remembered from a year ago and has been a huge cheerleader for me during grad school and beyond). I tell her the test is next Tuesday and though I’ve been studying like crazy for months, I am terrified. She tells me (she has never ever shared any ‘God’ talk) that I just need to ask the Holy Spirit for help. She tells me that whatever I put in, He will help me extract as needed; both the good and the bad. That struck me deeply.
Today…a very unexpected phone call…
“This is Jane Louise, you helped me a couple of years ago”
“I just want to thank you for your help”,
“I’m doing wonderful, little by little and one day at a time.”
“It’s still a struggle; yet I feel like a child learning to live again.”
“Life gives us just what we are supposed to have.”
“I finally reached the bottom and couldn’t face another day.”
“I finally asked God for help and started praying AND letting Him help me.”
“I am playing piano again and finding the things that give me joy.”
“I think of you often.”
“Sarah, you are the first person I was able to connect with. Knowing you were a phone call away gave me so much hope and strength.”
I listened as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. My heart was exploding with gratitude. I remembered this woman like she was sitting here today. I rarely forget my clients. I might forget their names, I don’t forget their stories.
When she came, she was really considering suicide. She was desperate, hopeless and wishing for death to come upon her (her words).
We connected for a short time and then, she kind of dropped away. Sometimes that happens (too often) in this world. I have wondered countless times what happened to her. I wondered if she had chosen to step out of darkness by stepping into hope or by giving her pain a final rest.
She chose life. God bless her, she chose life.
After thanking her for calling and telling her what that meant to my heart; I told her I thought she was tremendously brave for reaching out. She told me that she was not brave, she was desperate and that it was terrifying to reach out when she did.
“Isn’t it so marvelous that sometimes it takes desperation to make us brave?”, I asked.
My heart is so full. We all matter, don’t ever forget that.
Choose life. Also…special note to self…choose to listen.