Truly, I try not to let irritants bother me, especially when it doesn’t affect my own life. This one though…it’s a big ugh for me personally.
I am frustrated by the continual use of the term narcissist directed at anyone who exhibits as#holeish behavior. Why does this bother me so? It bothers me because those with mental health disorders already are stereotyped in our society, true narcissism is a complex personality disorder, and if there were as many narcissists in the world as people we point fingers at, this world would be a terribly lonely place.
The majority of us will exhibit what could be categorized as a narcissistic behavior once in a while; we ALL are capable of being a jerk sometimes.
Labels are something I feel strongly, strongly, strongly should be used with caution. Not all a holes are narcissist, they are simply a holes. There are people qualified to give out DSM diagnoses, and even then it can be a slippery slope. To me, an unqualified person throwing about labels feels equal to my diagnosing myself on google (which I’ve been guilty of many times).
The useful purposes of an official mental health diagnosis are neither to justify name calling or to excuse behavior. It’s no different than saying, ‘oh, he’s so bipolar’ (having a bad day and then a good day does not bipolar make); ‘she’s so adhd’ (really hurts when your kiddo is…they have brilliant minds btw); even, ‘you are crazy’ (someone is saying something we might not jive with). Turning clinical diagnoses into daily adjectives is unacceptable; think of the impact before speaking.
I wonder if, when we make our focus about what someone else is, are we more able to excuse our own accountability? In no way am I excusing any kind of abusive behavior, I am saying there is value in focusing on our own unhealthy patterns.
In the end, within ourselves is the only thing we have the power to change. To a person who has lived with, loved or cared for a true narcissist, I am sorry. I know it sucks. This post is not directed at those people; or anyone really. I see so much of this throwing around diagnoses by many unqualified individuals in the areas of law; dating and more…it feels really unfair.