I’ve noticed that I have gotten more and more guarded what I share when I write. That’s probably a little good and a little not great.
Learning to not be reactionary and to certainly recognize the opportunity that being quiet offers me to grow is a gift to myself….and to others.
I’m debating taking myself off of social media to reset myself. It was such a beautiful experience for me when I did it in grad school. The thing is…social media is a lovely little sense of connection in these weird days of covid and all the other divisionary things so I hesitate to take it from myself.
But you know what…I want real. Real life. Real stuff. Real people. Real interactions. I am not sure the world will every go back as it was; that’s reality. I believe we are made for relationship; in many forms. I’ve spent a good period of time frozen in my personal life and I am done with that. I had a little experience last weekend that reminded me, connection feels amazing. Feeling seen and heard and getting to see and hear is a beautiful luxury. I try to give that to my clients all day, every day and I forget to give it to myself; accepting short term substitutions in the process that leave me feeling blech and full of self flagellation. I think sometimes the brief connection reminds me of what my heart truly desires and there is always a bit of hurt when it is just that, a short term substitution.
I recognize that my love and joy is found in the most simple of things. Wrapping myself in the warm embrace of my family; laughing and crying with friends; great conversation, delicious red wine; a yummy smelling candle; children and animals and the elderly and the crunchy ice on the ground. There is pleasure in knowing that I could fill endless pages just naming all of the things that give me love and joy.
There is delight to be found in the maybe mundane if we don’t see it for the magical that it is. I find I am so busy on social media and the computer all day (can’t help that), that I’m wasting precious time on false connection.
I want real. Real life; real stuff, real people, real interactions.
Is that so bad?