Friends

“Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.“

I remember that tune well from Girl Scout days. The older I get, the truer I find it to be.

Some of my golden friends have stayed in my life and I hope they are with me until the day I am no longer here. Another handful of my golden friends are no longer in my life.

It’s so hard to let go, especially when I don’t understand the why’s. Praying about letting go is easy, putting into practice the actual act of letting go is something that goes against every fiber of my being.

With loss comes grief. Sometimes, when I think things are getting better, another wave of loss hits me or comes in a different form. That’s OK. I loved those friends well and for whatever reason, the season for our friendship is not right now.

We have all experienced loss of relationship, it just looks different for each of us. In grief and in healing, there is reflection.

One of the precious hearts in my life shared this morning, her words soaked straight into my spirit. She said…

“In my previous life my friendships were the kind that “poked fun” at each other in sometimes hurtful ways, and I bore the brunt of the “fun”, and it tore me down.”

I felt her words in every way. Friendship should offer reciprocity, respect, grace, forgiveness, safety. Friendship should not offer fear, accusations, faking for the sake of acceptance, disregard for another or using humor as leverage to hurt.

Looking back, that’s what I was feeling in some old friendships. I still miss them, letting go is hard even if it is best.

In this new space, I am grateful and I am still sad for the loss. I don’t believe that God took the friendships away from me, I do believe we all have some kind of lesson in the hurt and beauty comes out of ashes.

I’m going to spend my time focusing on the gratitude and on developing new, healthy friendships. I have changed a lot over the past few years. There are times that people won’t let you grow and instead they let you go, or vice versa.

I told God that I didn’t want to let go, I wanted my normal back. God told me to let go and trust him, He had good things in store for me.

I’m still not “there” but I’m beginning to let go instead of just continually grapple.

In the meantime, an amazing new tribe of women have come into my life. They are safe, accepting, fun and already golden to me.❤️🙏