My dear friend Traci let me know this morning that she is not concerned about my becoming an alcoholic. She is, however, worried about my frequent late night coffee consumption. I’m wondering if her unease about my exuberant consumption is something I ought to investigate further.
Though I have always found the aroma of a fresh brew intoxicating, I was never a consumer of this ‘nectar of the gods’ until I was a Preschool Director and momma of two babies. My energy was low and the needs of those I cared for were high. Simultaneously, they put a Starbuck’s in less than a mile from my home. I took it as a sign, God was smiling down at me and it was a love at first sip!
Since then, I have kept my intake of this delicious cup of energy minimal to moderate. One cup on a good day, two cups on a rushed day and 3 -4 cups when I was trying to keep the poo from hitting the fan. I guess by now the poo has hit the fan and been splattered about, so it only makes sense that I have begun the sweet little ritual of late night coffee drinking. I do this only occasionally, I can stop anytime I want…really. I limit myself to this practice when the kids aren’t at home and I’m quite productive (sometimes) when I begin to drink coffee at midnight.
What’s the problem then? I might be a wee bit sensitive to the caffeine but it’s a nice, harmless little buzz. It helps me stay awake so I can create, clean, or stare of into space contemplating my world. There is nothing like coffee and candlelight! Countless benefits, right?
It’s been a rough week in this life. Last night was a cup at midnight…a cup at 1…and maybe a 1/2 cup at 1:30. (Sorry Traci, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the whole truth). I fell into a not quite sound sleep at 3:30’ish and was awake, ordering groceries at 5:30’ish. I was on my way to work at 8’ish. I’m feeling the consequences of two hours of sleep in a serious way. No worries…nothing a little cinnamon dolce latte with extra espresso can’t fix! It’s a cycle for sure…I just haven’t decided if it’s vicious or victorious!
Last night’s bender wound up in a great phone conversation with a beloved friend, a couple of loads of completed laundry, clean dishes, a bit of reading and A LOT of staring at my candle flicker while I chatted with God and weighed on all that is heavy on my heart. I felt, and still feel, conflicted and afflicted. As I mentioned, it’s been a rough week in this life.
I am incredibly proud of my ex husband and I. We fought the good fight for our relationship and although the outcome wasn’t what either of us had hoped, we are still here. Now we fight the good fight as parents who love their children dearly. Still, the divorce is new and I find myself deep in thought as I adjust once again to a new normal.
I found myself in the middle of a devastating situation this week, I am thankful that I was present yet this is a situation that hurts every fiber of my being. The ex and I have had to walk through some really difficult stuff with our kids this week and who knows if we are doing it right? I am in a state of mind that leaves me aching to ‘fix’ and nothing is in my power to fix.
I think about the tragedies around us. In my opinion, teens and social media combined have the ability to create a horrific impact and I am seeing this directly in action. Our elders and our children are not cared for well in our society. There are endless gaps in this world and too many people are oblivious to the societal impact until they are personally affected. How do we radically meet those around us right where they are without pushing our own agenda onto them. What are the long term repercussions for those who are harmed and for those who cause harm?
These thoughts are the aftermath of my midnight java. Good thoughts….great thoughts…heavy heart and void of solutions for the most part. Still, I march forward ready to embrace life as it comes and holding onto a mustard seed of faith that there is hope for my future…for our future as a whole.
Most of us are familiar with the quote,
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi
I’m pretty sure the original quote was, “You must be the change you want to see in the world, and it all begins with a late night cup of coffee, a candle, and a little chat with God.”
The aftermath of late night java….it’s a beautiful thing.